The Music of Silence

The sound of silence is beating so loud.

I stare above my head,

watching the clouds form into disfigured images.

Silent words

fill the air.

Once faded thoughts,

turn into vivid pictures.

I remember what you and I once meant.

Reminisce is the melody of our love;

quiet yet so loud.

We made our own tune as you

played the chords of my heart

to the scale of yours.

Remembering again,

that’s when you were mine.

My heart grows

Still.

Silent.

Broken into the pieces of what used to be.

The pool of my words I want to rejoice are swimming

in my mind,

ready to be spoken.

To be played in the violent orchestra my thoughts are creating.

But,

they can’t.

My perimeter is silent but my insides are screaming.

The rhythm of my unsettled heart is clashing

to the love you once provided.

So many things left unsaid,

unheard,

unspoken.

I am falling.

Slowly, slowly…silently

to the ground.

Actions may speak louder than words,

but a picture paints thousands of them,

that are waiting to shine.

Words that are left unwritten,

untold,

yet unforgettable.

The music of silence beats so loud.



What Used to Be

Hatred is a photograph you can't put away.

Hatred stares back at you from the eyes

 you disappointed or that disappointed you.

The memoreis flashing back into

your head;

anger, pain, & that little ounce of love

that you still wish was there.

Hatred pierces your heart with

the staggering feelings of doubt,

looking deeper and longer into the situation.

The feelings rushing back,

constatly reminding you of what used to be.

How can things go from good to

gone?

Hatred reflects

the story that once was told.

A picture paints a thousand words;

words that were left

unwritten, untold, yet unforgettable.



Bad Decisions, Good Intentions

You only want me when I don't want you.

My heart feels like it's splitting in two.

I wait for hours just for hopes of you to come around,

took me a while to realize I was just your rebound.

& maybe when I fianlly get smart,

I'll come to realize you were just toying with my heart.

Then when I say my final goodbye,

my head & heart won't be questioning,

but you'll be wondering why.

Love Long Gone

I remember the first beat my heart gave to you.

The first ounce of love slipping through our fingers, making us not one but two.

You sent me acoustic rhythms of love straight into my electric heart.

But it didn't fit, it crashed, labeling us as 'the work of art.'

We both wished for hopes, but knew of the doubts,

You toyed with my transparent heart, & I needed out.

How can things go from good to gone?

Of course, because you're my love long gone.

You're indecisive and I want to dedicate.

But you weren't ready, we were now relying on fate.

The strongest love leaves the deepest scars.

We were both so wired in, then I took it too far.

Tangled in hopeless dreams, like running into a brick wall.

But boy don't run too hard, you might fall.

My uneven heart set sail on the first hello.

Later jabbed in the stomach, being left alone.

My love long gone, where did you go?

Our electric connection still left unknown.

Jagged thoughts penetrate my mind.

You set me a new altitude, a brand new time.

Whines & cries from your helpless emotions.

Boy you got me hooked on your love sick potion.

Come back to me love long gone.

You left a design on my heart, only making me strong.

Goodbye love long gone.

You broke your concrete promises,

and I'm hiding my shy beauty.

& maybe one day you'll come back to me,

but then I'll be your love long gone.

Broken Pieces

I'm the vase you broke into a thousand pieces.

I'm the mask you wear to hide your true self.

The words you spoke, telling me to "keep this."

When you screamed, and then I cried,

Why didn't I make you proud?

At that moment, I felt like the sun wouldn't rise.

I broke your boiling point, and you shattered my heart.

I'm the broken pieces

turning into a work of art.

Unloved, unwanted, dying on the floor.

I'm the broken pieces that you want no more.

My ears are ringing, my heart isn't singing;

the words you portrayed pierced my heart.

My mind is racing, everything is dinging.

I wish you loved me like I loved you,

but i guess the world isn't perfect;

you split me in two.

Deep Down

She stares at her reflection in the mirror.

Beautiful, smart, outgoing; that's what everyone sees.

But if you actually took the time to look deep down, you would realize, 

she isn't actually proud of who she is & who she wishes to be.

Why?

She is wearing the mask, to refrain from the real her, the real world.

Putting on a show every day,

pretending and fantasizing that everything is okay;

it's not, no, no way, it is not.

Not deep down, no matter what I say.

Deep down, this young girl is drowning,

drowning in the wonders if tomorrow will ever come.

Looking out at the stars at night,

waiting for the illuminating light of the sun.

She looks at herself in the mirror longer this time.

Watching the eyes of a monster eating at her heart & soul stare back at her,

"I'm fine!"

No she is not, no no, but the world keeps spinning oblivious.

She is hiding that the hurtful, crucial words of others get at her.

She hides the cuts and bruises from her mother and her father.

She hides the frustration, that no one will open up their eyes and see,

that this girl, deep down, is suffering endlessly.

The prank phone calls, the nasty text messages blowing up her phone,

it was like a never-ending hole she kept falling deeper & deeper into;

she never felt so alone.

She tried to speak up, tell the world of her troubles,

but every time she spoke, she felt her problems double.

The sleepless nights, and frozen tears,

she prayed it would not be like this in the further years.

Mama didn't care, Daddy didn't understand.

She had no one to guide her, no one to hold her hand.

This little girl held the weight of the world on her shoulders,

but enough is enough now that she's older.

She is tired of falling into the depths of nothing.

Now her mind is racing, she has to do something.

She held the knife letting it hover over her wrist,

her heart is churning, the final twist.

The thoughts of others penetrated her mind.

Thinking back to the younger years, wishing she could rewind.

The knife slowly pierces into her skin,

what's done is down, she is now a sin.

As the knife cuts deeper & deeper into her flesh,

she slowly felt that she forgot about all the rest.

It numbed her heart, one by one,

there's no taking back what's done is done.

Nothing got better, only became worse.

People still didn't like her, she was still a curse.

She was never good enough at home,

now she really was on her own.

Daddy strikes the last hit across her face.

Mama didn't want to see, so she erased.

No one understood, no one would see, 

that she is just a young girl & has had enough already.

She took some time to think about who she was.

She felt like no one, just a simple bee with a buzz. 

This is it now, she cannot take any more,

she wanted out, so she walked out the door.

She pulled the trigger, and went straight to her heart.

This little girl is now in the world as a work of art.

All she wanted was someone to tell her it was alright,

but no one did, so she ended it that night.

All she wanted was a simple smile that no one gave her.

Everyone was too afraid.

Now she is off to heaven in her own parade.

People began to regret what they said and did.

Mama said she was a fool, Daddy said "They're just kids!"

No one understood or took the time to know,

Everyone was scared to reach out, to risk to be shown.

It's over now, & everyone starts to realize,

what this little girl felt, all the lies & cries.

Finally she felt wanted,

and her soul was not haunted.

All she hoped for was for someone to say, 

"Don't worry, tomorrow is a brand new day."

But no one did and no one saw

that they had pulled her final straw,

& deep down she wanted to feel okay,

because deep down, she was just like me and you,

just portrayed in a different way.

Little Girl

verse 1:

The warmth of your hand entangled between my fingers

The smell of your strong perfume and all your cooking lingers

The sweet smile you gave me every now and then

Made me wonder if you’ll always be my best friend.

But then came me growing up and you growing old,

The stories now faded that once were told.

Chorus: 

Life got harder and you let me go

Watching alcohol pour down your throat

The words of wisdom, and late night talks,

I tried to speak to you,

I guess my kind words just never came through.

I’m your little girl, your little girl your little girl.

I’m your little girl, your little girl.

Verse 2: 

The pills you popped and days spent lying on the floor;

Unconscious, unforgettable, I wanted to see no more.

Your little girl slowly watched you die, tears streaming down my face.

You’re a memory in the back of my mind, something I can’t erase.
Why I watched and never told, is something I can't give away.
Why?
"Babygirl, screw you. If you ever tell, you won't live another day."

I wish you better, and your soul survived,

But sadly that little girl slowly became deprived.

Verse 3/ hook: 

Although you're sick, and made harsh mistakes,

Mama you’re my memory I will never erase.

You’re my wilted flower I hope someday will grow,

Because a mother’s love between her daughter,

And a daughter’s love between her mother, that will never go.

Scars Remind Us of the Past...

Remember when you looked at that one girl, and called her a "bitch" when she is actually verbally and physically abused enough at home every day?

Remember when you looked at that overweight guy and called him "fat" when actually he is going through depression because nobody likes him and his parents just got a divorce?

Remember when you decided it would be funny to open your mouth and spread lies about how that girl's a "whore" when actually she is just trying to express herself in different ways, so maybe one day she will feel finally loved?

Remember when you called that boy a "gay, homo, faggot" when actually he grew up with no parents there for him and he never "fit in".

The world is a vicious place. Nothing will ever be good enough for anybody.

Remember when you witnessed your best friend crying themselves to sleep because they thought no one liked them? and you were there to comfort them and tell them everything would be okay, meanwhile you're part of the group that harasses them and NEVER stuck up for them?

It's funny how people don't realize how deep cuts run. The painful lonliness feeling lurking inside them.

Everyday, they carry that lonely feeling inside of them, an extra weight they can barely hold up anymore.

"It's just a joke, relax!" Not to them. "I didn't mean it." To them you did. "Get over it" How can you when anywhere you go you walk into walls, because the scars remind you of the past?

You were there. You saw. You watched. You didn't care, because it's "not a big deal."

When will it ever be a big deal, huh? When they finally decide to tie the knot, end the rollercoaster ride?

Good, you won. Happy?

I hope those scars remind you of the past like it did to them.

That "Good" Sorta Feeling

Standing side by side,

as your shadow crosses mine.

You pull me in closer, under the illuminated light.

Nothing has ever felt so right.

Our hearts beating as one,

Not a care in the world, just having fun.

The sweet summer sun soaking up the day,

remembering that we won't let our memories fade.

Dancing like no one is watching, singing like nobody is listening, and loving like nothing could go wrong.

As I'm watching our hearts play ping pong.

You make me feel so alive, my soul is glistening in our pool of love you filled my heart with.

Sensations rushing, feelings bursting, hearts beating, then you give me the first kiss.

I don't care if we last forever,

I just know you pulled my lever,

and now I have that good sorta feeling.

Awakening

I am from the warm summer breeze brushing across my fragile body.

I am from the long beach days, letting the sizzling sand squish in between my toes.

Watching the water rise, and sweep across my feet.

I am from the elegant sun beating down and letting it purify my soul, releasing all the cares in the world.

Living life to the fullest and watching my dreams become realistic.

I am from letting go and rejoycing to the good times.

As the words pour into my mind, 'live life, breathe air, and don't let your oppurtunites slip away.'

I am from the moments that you'll never forget.

The long boat rides and the music blasting like the night will never end.

I am from listening and watching how things unfold.

Letting the wind softly brush my shoulder, whispering to ignore the pain.

I wish to grow stronger from my past.

To stop and embrace; take everything in.

Watching life come straight on like a freight train.

Sometimes we all struggle, but we need to look for the light and remember; we all only exist.

I am from living, because that truly means something.

You

I see you every where I go.

The sensation to your voice, that I just know.

Your sweet blue eyes, engulfing me into the sea,

Everything you do reminds me of me.

The soft touch you portray puts me in a daze,

Like the stars at night, the sweet summer haze.

Your so simple, but yet so complex,

you make me forget about all the rest.

Even though i've only known you for a short period time,

your love, your smile; everything you are is just perfectly divine.

Your presence is always lurking in my soul,

the feeling you give me is mysteriously left unknown.

I close my eyes and count to two,

take a deep breathe into something new.

And willing to take the risk of getting hurt,

You picked me back up when I feel down in the dirt,

I knew from the first time i saw you,

me & you, we are the perfect two.